feeling it

I guess I haven't been here much lately... Real life and all of its messes has been keeping me busy. Not just busy...

Lately, I've really been feeling the weight and the joy of life. A few things going on, recently, have shown me just how fragile life can be. Like most of you, the Paris attacks touched me deeply. I don't need to say how terrible that was. You know, you get it. 

A few weeks ago, something happened in our family, which shook us to the core. Our little boy, now age 2, had a seizure caused by a fever, while we were driving home one afternoon. Glen and I didn't realize that Levi was ill. He had just been sleeping a lot in the car. Then his eyes rolled back and he started to shake uncontrollably. We called 000, but kept driving, because we knew we would reach the local hospital before an ambulance would reach us. Levi began to turn blue. He stopped moving. We thought he was dead. We were totally losing it, as you can imagine. No words can describe the terror we felt in our hearts at that moment. At the hospital, everyone rushed to care for him, cooled him down, assured us that he would be fine. It all happened so fast. A few hours later, we all went home, and tried to go back to normal life. We have admonished ourselves a thousand times for not taking better care of him, ignoring signs of fever. But Levi is fine. He's back to his adorable, cheeky self. I'm still trying to stop being paranoid that something will hurt him, every day. It's not easy. He is my only child, my precious angel. All of you moms understand where I'm coming from.

Then... Last week, a catastrophic bushfire swept across nearby farmland. I watched the sky turn pinkish-brown from smoke ("Pink clouds!" Levi kept saying), and then darken to purplish-black, as the fires came closer. I didn't have the car that day. I felt trapped. My dearest friend rescued me and Levi, and let us stay at her house for the rest of the afternoon, until Glen could pick us up. Luckily, the wind's direction shifted, and the fire didn't reach our town. Two people died, that day, and dozens of people lost everything. The fires got within five kilometres of where we live. I know we are in a safe zone, but that just came too close for me to feel safe here. I'm dreading summer, fearing more fires.

With all this going on... I just want to say that I'm feeling very thankful for my life. I have it pretty good. I have a wonderful partner, a beautiful son, lovely friends and family, and good health. I'm feeling pretty lucky.

{image source: Pinterest}